Monday 17th May 2010 - Aqaba to Cairo (Part Two

We head North from Nuweiba to Taba. Before leaving the driver (In Arabic) reads a list of do’s and dont’s. An Egyptian guy in the next seat translates for me. One of the rules is no smoking on the bus. We set off and the driver and the passenger next to me both light cigarettes. Welcome to Egypt. It is clear that the air conditioning doesn’t work and after 20 minutes I am soaked with every article of clothing stuck to me. We head north toward Taba along the beach road where beach club after beach club are under construction or recently completed. They have interesting and original names like “Cleopatra Beach Club” and “Beach Beach Club” along with my particular favourite “KumKum beach Club”. The mind boggles on what happens in there. We leave the beach road and start to climb through a mountainous area. The bus is struggling and I suspect you could walk quicker. The volume of passengers and cargo are taking there toll. We get to the top and a place called Taba Heights. Another 20 minutes and we make a left turn into the sun. From my own planning, and the direction of the turn, I know that we have now entered the Sinai Desert.

The Sinai is desolate and barren with only the occasional car coming in the opposite direction. Darkness descends quickly and it is obvious that the suspension on the bus is as broken as the air conditioning. I am uncomfortable due to lack of leg room and the realisation that I haven’t eaten since breakfast in the hotel. At 8.15 PM, after 3 hours of driving we stop at a restaurant in the middle of nowhere. The temperature has dropped drastically and the wind provides a chill made worse by still damp clothes.The kofta, rice and bread are just what the doctor ordered along with the chance to stretch my legs. We are due to leave at 9.15. The bus won’t start. Luckily there is another bus from the same company also at the restaurant and eventually they jump start our coach. I guarantee we won’t be stopping again. We hit the road again at 9.30 and, with a full stomach, I think sleep will come easy. I drift in and out of sleep until the driver puts on an Arabic music CD at almost full blast. I later learn that this is aimed at helping him stay awake, and indeed on two occasions later on the bus veers violently as he nodded of at the wheel. With the introduction of the music, the Egyptian woman in front of me becomes the life and soul of the party and starts a conversation with everyone on the bus at the same time. She also starts to sweat up which adds to the discomfort. We reach the Suez Canal at 11.30 PM and pass underneath by tunnel. With about a 100 clicks left to Cairo and the road now two lanes in both directions, I go and sit in the empty seat next to the driver. Now there is a real art to driving in Egypt at night. Firstly, there is the full beam headlight lesson. The car coming in the opposite direction will lower the beam of his headlights. The coach driver does the same as happens in many other countries. Then as the vehicles get close they switch the full beam back on to blind the other driver. This is accompanied by hitting the horn at the same time in an attempt to inflict shock and awe. Secondly, with two lanes to choose from. the only option is to drive down the white line in the middle. As the coach approaches other traffic from behind (Providing of course you can see them, as most have no lights) the driver flashes his lights, sounds his horn and over or under takes the lorry or car hoping that the other vehicle knows he is there. On two occasions while I was upfront they didn’t and the brakes were on pretty quick.

We eventually reach the Giza region of Cairo at 1.15AM. 8 hours after leaving Nuweiba. I am so pleased to be off the coach. A cabbie approaches me and asks where I want to go. I explain and he feigns not knowing the place. I say I will find another cab driver and he insists I go with him. I tell him in no uncertain terms that I have had a long journey and in no mood to be dicked about. We drive off and it is clear he hasn’t got a clue where we are going. We stop at another hotel (You can guess what’s coming) to ask his friend for directions and his friend hasn’t got a clue either. The cabbie tells me there is no such hotel and that I should stay here as it is nice and clean. I tell his friend to look up the name of the hotel on the internet from the computer behind the reception counter. He does so and comes up with a phone number which he rings. The hotel gives the directions to the cabbie and we leave. I insist the cabbie puts the trip on the meter and tell him if I see any landmark twice he will have a problem. We tear through Cairo for 20 minutes and the Pyramids appear to our right hand side illuminated. 5 minutes later I am in the hotel. I sleep the sleep of the dead.

Monday 17th May 2010 - Aqaba to Cairo (Part One)

I have crossed the Red Sea, Sinai Desert and Suez Canal in one day. Henceforth, I wish to be known as Monty or Moses. But what a journey. The hotel people are again as helpful as possible with checkout and taxi arrangements. My last task is to cross the palm of the head of Security with a Benjamin Franklin to make sure the car is well looked after.


The ticket from Aqaba to Nuweiba is US$ 70, which I think is pretty steep. I suspect I have paid the whitey price. But Cairo beckons, and this is the only ferry across the Red Sea operating since the Duba ferry sank killing hundreds in 2006. I reach the ferry terminal at 11.30 AM, stamp the passport and head by bus to the ferry. I am expecting 20 -30 people on the boat at most. It is packed! You enter the boat from the rear, and luggage has to be piled on the car deck. I remove the cameras from the bags and head upstairs to the passenger cabins. The smell of unwashed bodies hits you like a fist. Most of the passengers appear to be Egyptian, with just a handful of Europeans. You need to get your passport stamped by the Egyptian Immigration counter on board. I figure that getting done early will allow me to chill for the rest of the voyage. I go forward, fill out a form and hand over the form and the passport. I get a receipt and told that I will get my passport back in Nuweiba when I buy a visa. I take a look around and ask one of the crew if there is an open deck area. He advises that you cannot go outside anywhere on the ship. I find a seat and settle down. The ferry is due to leave at 12.30 PM. It suddenly occurs to me that with 300 - 400 people on board, and no deck access, that this ship is a disaster waiting to happen. Sure, there are life jackets under every seat, but with this many people below deck and the exits only big enough for one person at a time, any need to abandon ship will be a catastrophe. I just hope it’s not today.

The ship pulls away at 1.15 PM. A crew member asks me if I am ok and proudly states that the ship leaving 45 minutes late is a new record for 2010. Usually there is a 3 hour delay. The ship reaches a top speed of no more than 3 knots. Now, I took this ferry as it is the fast one. I could row quicker than this. There is also a slow ferry that takes twice as long. It must have no engines or sails and drift across with the current. We reach Nuweiba at 3.00 PM and are kept on board for 15 minutes before collecting bags from the car deck and exiting at the rear of the boat. Now all Hell breaks loose!!!

We are herded into buses that are already full and have to somehow squeeze in more passengers. One of my bags has to be put across the drivers lap. We reach the main arrivals area and directed to the passport office. It is hot and I am carrying two bags with clothes and camera equipment. After walking around looking for the passport office for 10 minutes, I can feel the early stages of dehydration setting in. Eventually I find it and he directs me to a bank 400 metres away to buy a visa for US$ 15. Visa purchased, I return again, hand over the passport receipt and visa and receive my passport back in return. Dehydration is becoming an issue. I buy two litre bottles of water, drink a third of one and pour the second over my head. My core temperature has got too high as I wasn’t paying attention to it. A mistake made by many in these parts. In Luxor 10 years ago I helped try and revive an American tourist who collapsed in 49 degree temperatures near the Valley of the Kings. She was seriously overweight and white and had no right to be walking around the desert in those temperatures. I was the first one to get to her and going by the lack of pulse I have to guess she was dead before she hit the ground. Carnage breaks out as the larger luggage arrives on a large trolley from the ferry (See picture).

I head for the arrivals hall where I put my bags through the X-Ray machine only to discover that there is no one operating it or looking at the screen. There is mayhem as customs officers are trying to search 10 bags at once and arguing with all the owners. I decide to walk straight through and see what happens. I am not stopped. On the other side of the terminal I turn right and head for the coach area where I hope to find transport to Cairo. It is 4.00 PM and a man approaches me about a bus to Cairo. He tells me it has WC and AC; He must mean leprosy, it is falling apart but of all the buses looks the most roadworthy. I pay EGP 80 (Ten quid) and load my bags in the luggage section at the side. The bus is due to depart at 4.15. We leave at 5.15. The buses from Nuweiba to Cairo not only carry passengers, they also carry cargo. Every available space in the luggage section is packed with bails or bags for the journey to the capital. There are 15 Egyptians on board, 3 Japanese and me. By my calculations from my original drive plan, I had the Range Rover in Cairo 5 hours after leaving Nuweiba. God only knows how long this will take !!

Saturday 16th May 2010 - Aqaba Jordan (Part Two)

I arrive at the customs post at 11AM. The customs officers descend on the car and intrigued that I plan to drive to London. They are mainly concerned with machinery I may be carrying. The cameras pass muster but the secondary GPS causes a problem and must be referred to the Head of Military Intelligence. He will decide whether it should be seized. I change money, buy insurance and obtain a visa. Next a customs officer called Mahmood takes me to see the top military man, who we have clearly woken up. He looks at the Garmin GPS and decides that sleep is more important. He stamps the customs form and I am clear to enter the country. The customs officers have been absolutely superb and were extremely helpful in everything. I owe them a vote of thanks.

As I leave the customs post a brown merc pops up behind me. It drops back to 300 metres behind and follows me towards Aqaba’s South Beach area. I stopped the car on the road side and took a photo across the Red Sea towards Egypt. The merc has pulled over as well. I got back in the car and slowed right down to 40. The merc has to catch up and at the next roundabout I go round 3 times before heading straight back towards the customs post. The merc stops on the roundabout not knowing what to do. I drive 5 KM back to the customs post before turning back again. There is no sign of the car as I take the correct road from the roundabout this time. Whoever was in the car has never been trained in counter surveillance.

A stop at the passenger ferry terminal for the ferry times and possibly obtaining a triptic proves fruitless. The ferry has gone for the day and the issuance of the triptic requires a local sponsor. THis means taking the car to Egypt is out. I had the triptic sorted out in Qatar, but was let down at the last minute by a lying douche bag. I buy the ferry ticket for the next day and start looking for a hotel for the night.

I happen across the Marina Plaza Hotel. I ask about a room and, after much debate, they have one. I later find out that it is a 200 room hotel with 10 guests. The staff are so friendly and helpful and the weather amazing. This really is paradise on earth. I spoke to the front office manager and he has agreed to let me keep the car here for the 4 days in Cairo. I am relieved it will be in a safe place until I get back. I will certainly come back here again. I spend a couple of hours at the pool. There is a strong Belgian contingent at the hotel. The females of the specie insist on levering their 250 pound bodies into bikinis designed for an anorexic 16 year old. It is not a pretty sight. Instead of banning the burkha, the Belgian government should be looking to make it compulsory.

Today’s 297 KM and yesterday’s 777 KM bring the total so far to 2671 KM.

Saturday 16th May 2010 - Aqaba Jordan (Part One)

I depart Duba at 8 AM after topping up the coolant in the car. The road north is not the best I have encountered, but it’s two lanes each way and the traffic is very light. All is going well as I reach Al Banda’a. This area is mountainous and reminds me of the Swat valley in Pakistan. It really is the back of beyond. After negotiating the town I am 130 KM from the Jordan border. I figure that once I am clear of the town it will be a straight run to Aqaba where the border crossing is. I couldn’t be more wrong. The road out of Al Banda’a narrows to one lane in each direction, The surface is bad and winds between hills and mountains. What happens over the next 90 minutes is by far the hardest and most perilous drive I have ever undertaken.

The road is one blind bend after another. You are completely at the mercy of the oncoming traffic. If the lorry coming in the opposite direction crosses the white line you have nowhere to go as you are already within inches of the hill face. Lorries behind and oncoming are travelling at speeds of 120 - 140 KMH despite the conditions. There are frequent warning signs for camels and landslides. There is physical evidence everywhere that the landslide signs are not there for fun. 90 clicks from Aqaba I came around a blind bend at 80 and in the middle of the road was a camel. There was a 30 foot drop to the right, so left of the animal, into the oncoming lane, was the only option. Luckily there was no oncoming traffic, but had a car or lorry been coming the opposite direction, it would have been all over.

The road eventually goes into a long straight descent and the Red Sea is off in the distance. The relief is enormous that that stretch of road is behind me. I follow the signs for the border and exit Saudi Arabia. A short stretch of road and the sign says “Welcome to the Heshemite Kingdom of Jordan”.

Saturday 15th May 2010 - Duba, Saudi Arabia

I am awake at 8.15 AM. It is later than I planned, but I needed the rest after the trip from Doha. I am aching in the lower back and have the beginnings of a blister on the sole of my right foot from pressure on the accelerator yesterday. I check out of the hotel at 9, and head into Jeddah traffic. I finally break loose at 10 and get onto Highway 5 N. The car is drinking petrol like no tomorrow. Yesterday took 4 full tanks to reach Jeddah. I find a petrol station with the coffee booth open. I fill both of us. The priority is to get as close as possible to the Jordan border before midnight on 16th May when my Saudi Visa expires.

Dahaban is the first town on the journey, followed by Tawwal and Qadimah. The road condition is amazing and comparable to any western highway I have ever driven. I am pleasantly surprised. After Qadimah there is a long period of nothingness until Rabigh. The terrain is flat with hills in the distance. Masturah, Badr Hunayn and Abu Shainana are soon passed and it seems every town on this leg of the journey looks the same. Yanbu is a major oil refinery area. I am stopped at traffic lights every kilometre and the speed limit is 100. As I emerge from Yanbu, the first sign board fro Jordan appears - 750 KM. This is good news as I am heading for Duba which is 350 KM. This will leave me with just 300 KM to drive on Sunday and exit Saudi.

The journey up to Al Wajh is the most desolate and remote drive I have ever undertaken. Even camels don’t go there. I drive for two hours without seeing a car in front, behind or oncoming. If you break down out there you are surely doomed. This brings home to me the size of the risk I have taken driving across this country alone. Not only from the accident / breakdown perspective but from the overstay implications of the visa that would undoubtedly result in being locked up. I push on to Duma and have to decide whether to go on to Jordan tonight or sleep in Duma. The Duma sleep wins out which will allow me to arrive in Jordan during daylight tomorrow. I check in to the Al-Tal Hotel which is SAR 120 per night. But it has wireless internet and coke in glass bottles.

Friday 14th May 2010 - Jeddah, Saudi Arabia

As planned, started out for for the border at 4 AM. By the Millenium Hotel there was a bad car crash with a dead man in a tobe lying next to the vehicle. What a final memory!!

I looked forward to journey out of Qatar with excitement. Even the lady on the SatNav seemed happier than usual. Reached the border at 5.15 AM and everything was running smooth. Regardless of the fact I knew all paper work was in order I was still jumpy that one small thing overlooked could put the whole trip at risk. I cleared the Qatar side and, after the usual problems with scanning my fingerprints on the left hand, got away at 6.

The roads were empty and I anticipated a good run to Riyadh. Famous last words!! Thick fog descended after 30 KM and visibility dropped to 50 metres. I figured it would clear soon, but it was around until 100 KM before Riyadh when the sun got up and starting burning it up. The fog makes the journey even more monotonous and I started to struggle to stay awake. I needed coffee, but every time I stopped for petrol, the coffee booth was closed. I had to find another way to stay awake until I could get a caffeine fix. I started singing with the IPod. My rendition of Nessun Dorma with Pavorotti, Poker Face with Lady Gaga and Three Lions with the Lightning Seeds soon had the adrenalin flowing and sleepiness dispelled.

I reached Riyadh by 11 and changed on to Highway 40 to Makkah. Here the scenery changes to a few more hills and is slightly more interesting than the route to Riyadh. Makkah is 900 KM from Riyadh and I need to cover 750 of them before dark. There is still no sign of an open coffee booth and by mid-afternoon I am struggling again to stay awake. The Ipod comes to the rescue again. Pavrotti would turn in his grave!! 280 KM from Makkah and the sky is black in the distance. This doesn’t look good as I guess from the SatNav that it is over the area where I will be camping. Sure enough, I make the turn from the highway and I need the wipers on full to deal with the downpour. I figure that the worse case scenario will be to sleep in the car at the Wabha Crater. 10KM in the road has been washed away and there are small rivers growing as I watch. It is way too early in the trip to risk losing the car, so I turn back to Highway 40.

I am tired, annoyed and in the middle of a bad thunderstorm. I figure there must be hotel rooms available in Makkah ( or even a cup of coffee ). I crack on to Makkah and the storm seems to be getting worse. The adrenalin rush from driving through the storm kills any tiredness I am feeling and I decide that Jeddah would be a better option. Charlie, my imaginary friend, disagrees and wants to go back to Qatar. He is getting on my nerves insisting that Harry Potter is a real person and that the Beetles “White Album” was written by Aliens. After driving around the Makkeh equivalent of Spaghetti Junction for an hour, I finally get on the Jeddah road. This turns out to be the highlight of the day. The road descends down cliffs with scores of hairpin bends. It is a real challenge to keep the car under control. The speed limit is 70. This limit must only apply to foreigners as the Saudis hurtle down at speeds of 100 - 150. I see at least 3 hit the barriers and leave debris all over the road. These include cars containing women and children. At the bottom it is 66 KM to Jeddah which is all highway.

Jeddah resembles Death Race 2000. I see 2 accidents and at least 3 near misses. I decide to check into the first hotel I find and see the Madina Palace Hotel on the horizon. 20 minutes later I am checked in at 8 PM. The speedo in the car shows that the journey was 1597 KM (That’s a 1000 mile in old money). It was a 16 Hour drive. I eat a club sandwich in the restaurant before heading to the room. I am out cold before the concierge can deliver the bag. I never did get that cup of coffee.

Friday 14th May 2010 - 4AM-Doha Qatar

For what I am about to undertake may god direct me, protect me and forgive me - Johnee Dee 2010

T - 5 Days and Counting

Under a week to go now and everything is starting to fall in place. All visas, hotels and ferries are booked. The car is in for servicing (8000 Riyals - GBP 1200 for 4 new tyres- Ouch !!). The situation in Greece is causing some concern. I have to watch what happens there to gauge whether the border with Turkey will be open when I get there. Plan 'B' is in place which involves a slight diversion and taking the ferry from Turkey instead.

I am looking forward to Friday and actually getting underway. As the excitement builds, so does the trepidation at an undertaking of this size. I realise that you can't mitigate every possible risk on this trip; and will have to improvise at some stage if something goes wrong.

Captains Log Star Date 344509-401

The route for the drive back can now be accessed on Google Maps at:

http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF8&hl=en&msa=0&msid=117268084029113221754.0004850a995d257ed74ed&ll=29.501769,34.266357&spn=1.611135,2.318115&z=9

The Saudi visa has been issued BUT only allows 3 days to transit the country. This has led to a revision of the Saudi travel plan. I will now go straight to the Wabha Crater from Doha (744 Miles) and head to Aqaba (789 Miles) from there the following day. These are two mega drives on the first 2 days, but pale by comparison with the consequences of over staying in Saudi.

I am told it is a good idea to carry condoms in the desert protect things like mobile phones and camera lenses from sand damage. I think I will wait for the new brand that the Pope is going to lauch on his visit to the UK.

Qatar 11th April 2010

The date for the start of the trip is now finalized. I will leave Qatar on Friday 14th May for the first leg to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.
The visas for Syria have been obtained and hotels booked in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. I bought two foldaway chairs for night time chilling in the desert. One is for my imaginary friend, Charlie. I have decided not to carry any form of communication equipment on the journey. I want the arrival in London to be like Apollo Thirteen when it emerges from the dark side of the moon (That would make a great album title).
I watched “I am Legend”; I will need to make contingency plans in the event of a Armageddon while I am travelling through the desert. I may come back to civilization and find humans destroyed and only crack heads and Sarah Palin supporters have survived. I will start with a fast food diet to store fat as all food shops will be destroyed. As the last surviving member of the human race I will need a presidential palace to rule from. Poland looks favorite.
Temperatures have started to rise in the Middle East. It is in the 30C range and likely to be much hotter when the trip starts. By August, in Qatar, the ground will be so hot it will feel like your shoes are burning.

The Planning goes on and on and on....

Hotels are sorted in Cairo and the visa application is in to the Syrian Embassy. A woman in the Indian call centre of a well known car insurance company told me that you can't drive a left hand drive car in the UK without being arrested. I am amazed; But this would explain a lot. The UK immigration problem is clearly nothing to do with economic migration or refugees. It is caused by everyone driving a left hand drive car being locked up as soon as they arrive at Dover. This results in our own villains having to live 4 to a cell with Pedro, Luigi and Vladimir. I will be eternally grateful to the call centre lady as now I will re-route my entry to London across Iceland and up the Thames Estuary.

Hotels have been confirmed in Damascus and Petra. Few more to go but getting there slowly. The wife has confirmed that she will join me in Napoli for the drive back to London. I am relieved at this as I had worries over the trip through Jordan, Syria and Southern Turkey.

I have decided to travel part of the way with an imaginary friend. I am going to call him Charlie. Imagunary friends are useful because they don't need hotel rooms or visas. Unfortunately, they don't buy beers but this is a small sacrifice compared to the company they provide.

Things are falling into place. Certain protection measures have been been ordered for the car from the dealers in Doha. A wrap around front protector and grills for the rear lights are on order and will be in country in about 3 weeks. I spent 300 quid on camping equipment and car accessories. I will bring these back with me when I travel to the UK on 29th April.

The decision is made! When my employment in Doha (Qatar) finishes I am going to drive back to London. I originally came up with this idea when I finished working in Bahrain in 2007. I must admit to bottling then and regretting it ever since. This time it will happen. The route has been finalised and the preparations are underway. I am going back to London to study Law and doubt I will venture back to the Middle East again. So this is the last chance to make this drive. The plan is to stay in low budget accomodation as much as possible but I will be carrying an 8 man tent ( As long as the 8 men are only 18 inches tall!!) just in case of emergencies. I enjoy sleeping under canvas so I may have to engineer an emergency.

The route will be through Saudi Arabia to Aqaba in Jordan. From Aqaba there is a ferry to Nuweiba in Eastern Egypt. After crossing the Sinai desert and Suez canal, Cairo beckons for a few days of sight seeing. This is more for the wife and friend flying in to join me on the journey. I lived in Cairo for 2 years and there is little I haven't seen before, but the break will probably be welcome. From Cairo it's back to Nuweiba and the return ferry crossing to Aqaba. Ever since watching Lawrence of Arabia I have wanted to visit Aqaba. I have no idea why but it will be good to finally get it done. From the ferry we drive north to Petra for a couple of days of sight seeing. Then upwards and onwards to Damascus in Syria. Following a day of exploration in Damascus a border crossing to Turkey and an overnight in Mersin to the south. Ankara beckons the following day then on to Istanbul for a 2 day break. Crossing the border into Greece (and the EU), Thessaloniki is the next port of call before heading to Igoumenista and the ferry to Brindisi in Italy. A day touring Napoli and Pompei preceeds the run north to Rome and on to Venice. Still haven't worked out how to drive the motor around Venice yet but I am working on it. Venice to Munich over the alps should yield amazing scenery (Depending on the weather). Then comes the longest leg of the journey from Munich to Amsterdam. This will be 8 hours of hard driving (Shared with the wife of course) but by leaving Munich early enough there should be no problem reaching Amsterdam at a reasonable hour. We will stick around in Amsterdam until after England beat the USA in the opening game of the World Cup and head for blighty.
No teary eyed moments as the white cliffs of Dover come into view as the journey back will be from the Hook of Holland to Harwich. Harwich to London and home. I am guessing by now I wil have developed a hatred for driving that will make me never want to get behind the wheel again.